Friday, October 12, 2012

Repost By Request: "I Make a Pass at the Tavern Wench" Random Table

Someone recently requested this, so here it is.

"I Make a Pass at the Tavern Wench." A d30 Random Table

Use the following to modify, replace and/or inform the Results of any Reaction Rolls. If your milieu is heavily Swords & Sorcery flavored, you might choose to assign a percentage chance for result #1, upfront, then roll on the table to spice up the encounter.

1. She's available. For 1d4 Gold!

2. Her boyfriend is a Lvl 4 Fighter and stupidly jealous.

3. Her girlfriend is a Lvl 7 MU, cold-blooded and opportunistic.

4. She will use all her wiles, to induce the PC to commit a murder.

5. She's secretly a noble and/or wealthy person, in hiding.

6. She's an Assassin, working here to study a "client".

7. A powerful personage desires her, against her wishes.

8. She has Munchausen Syndrome, her delusion making any involvement with the PC far more intricate and exciting, within her mind, than it really is.

9. She's a priestess (3rd Level), trained in the 375 Sexual Ecstasies of the Horned Goddess. Working in the tavern to "bring religion to the masses," or, she left her temple to search for her long-lost sister, or something.

10. She's smart, funny, loyal, brave, passionate, beautiful and in terrible danger

11. Dude looks like a Lady.

12. She sells info to the authorities.

13. Worships Cthulhu, the Toad-God, Satan, or your campaign's equivalent.

14. She's a vampire, succubus, ex-wife, or some other Freudian nightmare, come to life.

15. She's a Dragon.

16. She's a serial killer.

17. She's a wererat.

18. She's a Paladin, working here to humble herself.

19. She's a 2nd Level MU, cast out by her master and stripped of her spellbooks.

20. She's an expert forger.

21. She has the unrealized potential to become a leveled NPC.

22. For all that she's a 0-level commoner, she's blessed by the gods and adds +3 to any rolls.

23. Her sister is a powerful spellcaster and will Curse anyone who breaks her heart.

24. She will utter prophecies, during sexual climax.

25. She's a 3rd Level Thief.

26. She's a 2nd Level Fighter, with a 17 Strength and a jealous disposition.

27. She's a demi-goddess, who has lost her memory and forgotten her powers.

28. She's a spy for a powerful personage.

29. She's the proprietor's Wife.

30. Her sister is lost, somewhere in the dungeon and she'll do anything to get her out!


  1. Son, I am disappoint that "Dude looks like a Lady" is a choice on that list. It's creeper. There is no reason a trans/crossdresser person has to be the point of the encounter. why wouldn't that just be one more thing about the encounter, such as "27. She's a demi-goddess, who has lost her memory and forgotten her powers." You know, typically Venus was represented as having a penis in statuary (to the confusion of 19th century Englishmen).

    It's a bit like "11. She's a ginger", only really offensive just to be funny about it.

    Disappoint, son. Disappoint.

    1. If your typical habit is to go around, projecting your personal conflicts onto other peoples nervous systems, then I suspect you find yourself disappointed on a regular basis (shrug.)

    2. Politically correct my arse. I'm transgender and the casual transphobia is tiresome. You do realise that transfolk make up a non-negligible portion of the gaming community, right? There's no cause for casual jokes at our expense.

      If it was "11. She's secretly a quadroon," I'd also be disappoint.

    3. The joke is at least as much on heterosexual male attitudes (as commonly perceived) as it is on being transgendered. Yet, after running this post twice, I've never seen a heterosexual male take offense. Frankly, you know so little about me that you couldn't possibly make an informed guess about the nuances of my thought, my intents, etc.

      Therefore, you're talking to an imaginary person residing within your mind, and are thus, wasting my time.

    4. emily0, You're a whiny douche. Go cry in your mommies basement.

  2. Har! Fun table James, and good to see you blogging again.

    Ignore the politically correct naysayer. Dude looks like a lady was a great entry, one all of us have probably seen in a tavern in our day, hehe.

    Hope you are well mate.

  3. Great stuff, James! Many of those results (including 'Dude Looks Like a Lady') are little short of brilliant! This is something that, oddly enough, I have a great need for at the moment, as one of my player's characters tends to fall head-over-heels for a different woman every session. So far he's fallen hopelessly in love with a tavern wench, the widow of a nobleman who was murdered by another party member, and most recently (after the tavern wench found him in bed with the widow, prematurely ending both relationships), a wealthy merchant's daughter.

    So, yeah, I'm going to get a lot of use out of this table. Thanks for sharing.

  4. Great post! And very useful. I will be using this in my games (including #11)!

  5. If #10 is played by Amy Adams, I'm in!

  6. I rolled a 9. It's going to be a good night. ;)

  7. This looks like a fun list.

    And despite the hoopla above, I think "Dude looks like a lady" is totally acceptible. If nothing else, it offers good role playing opportunties.


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