CDC Denies "Zombie Apocalypse" is Immanent

From the Huffington-Post

"CDC does not know of a virus or condition that would reanimate the dead (or one that would present zombie-like symptoms)," wrote agency spokesman David Daigle in an email to The Huffington Post.

"Nevertheless, recent incidents in which humans reportedly ate human flesh have the Internet in a firestorm, with "zombie apocalypse" being Google's third most popular search term by Friday morning.

"The zombie craze seemed to start with an attack in Miami on Saturday, when Rudy Eugene, 31, was killed by cops while in the process of eating almost the entirety of a homeless man's face off. The victim, Ronald Poppo, miraculously survived, but doctors are having a hard time figuring out how to put his face back together.

"Then, on Tuesday, 21-year-old Alexander Kinyua of Maryland allegedly admitted to dismembering his roommate and then eating his heart and brain.

"Cops in Canada are also searching for a low-budget porn actor who allegedly killed a young man with an ice pick, dismembered the body and then raped and ate flesh from the corpse. Luka Rocco Magnotta is being hunted after he allegedly mailed some of the body parts to Ottawa. He's also accused of killing cats on video and posting the footage online.

"Gawker fingered a "mysterious rash" breakout at a high school in Hollywood and other parts of Florida -- which hazmat and disease control teams still can't explain -- as further proof that zombies are taking over.

"Zombie-like characteristics have been confirmed in the animal kingdom, just not in humans. A newfound fungus in a Brazilian rain forest -- called Ophiocordyceps camponoti-balzani -- is known to infect an ant, take over its brain so as to move the body to a good location for growth, and then kill the insect."

Well. Fuck me!

The Obligatory 5e Playtest Materials Post

No worries. A good night's rest will take care of those
3rd degree burns!

Or, Why I Seriously Doubt I'll Ever DM 5e.

There's stuff I like about the fledgling 5e.

There's also shit I don't like, mind you.

Hypothetically, it could turn into a game I'd be interested in running.

If the feedback they receive isn't overwhelmingly in favor of ditching the stuff I like, in an attempt to turn it into 4e Take II.

If the majority of the feedback goes in the exact opposite direction, dumping a bit more of the 3e influences, as well.

Based upon my cursory reading of WotC's forums, as well as EnWorld, the company's current fanbase isn't too enamored of those features of the game which I find admirable.

And of course, they tend to favor many of the things which I don't like, at all!

I suspect that by the time it's said and done, 5e will have moved even further away from the kind of game I like to run.

I Don't Expect Too Many Old School Influences to Survive the Playtest

If WotC's current customers comprise the main playtest participants, then it's a fairly safe bet that the end result will be pretty damn far from suiting my tastes.

Groovy!

But, well...

So what?

I've already got enough D&D editions/printings/clones/variants.

I've got my DIY D&D magic wand.

And if I'm in the mood to run something different?

No Matter What WotC Ends Up With, There's No Fucking Way It'll Be As Groovy As DCC!

No. Fucking. Way.

And I don't feel the need to compromise, just so I can play the "current edition" of Dungeons & Dragons.

The Compromise Edition

So, some Old School philosophy, married to a stripped down 3e, a dollop of 4e, a healthy dose of 2e and C&C. A smidgen of LotFP. Overall, they didn't do a bad job. But, there are places where they're mixing oil and water.

In places, the thought process of the designers, the path of Compromise, is glaringly, obviously evident.

Some folks seem fine with that. They'll houserule it in the direction they want it to go.

Or, wait for the "module" from WotC, to move the game into their preferred style of play.

Many gamers seem genuinely happy with how things are developing. I hope they get the RPG they want.

So, will the "Old School" Module make 5e something I would choose to run?

Nope!

Because...

Because anyone sitting at my table, who likes the idea of playing 5e with the "Old School" module, would in all likelihood be just fine with playing a TSR edition or Retro/Neo Clone.

In fact, they'd probably Prefer it!

My copy has the Keep, as well as the Caves.

And unless WotC can put out an edition that I like so much, that it breaks into my shortlist of faves, I have no real reason to run the game.

What little bit they've put out so far, is nowhere near that shortlist. That's not going to change. Not unless they want to totally alienate their current fanbase.

So...

Got a game Friday. There's a chance the party might end up at a certain Keep, Bordering certain Lands.

A module I'd much rather run with OSRIC. Where Fighters don't do damage when they miss, Magic-Users don't have unlimited Magic Missiles and the PC's don't regenerate, without at least having a Ring, or something.

Valley of the Azure Ziggurat ... And Hope to be back soon

Studying for my State Agent License exam. I finished my 40 hr pre-exam course and passed the "practice" exam. It's a bear. Hope to be back to regular posting, soon. Got a game, Friday night. Woo-hoo!

Made a map.

Right Click and open for expandable pic.

Monte's Out, 5e Open Playtest Starts and 3.5 Reprints?!?

Monte's announcement. Some highlights:

"However, I want to take this time to stress that my differences were not with my fellow designers, Rob Schwalb and Bruce Cordell."

"Due to my non-disclosure agreement, as well as a desire to keep things on a professional level, I have no intention of going into further detail at this time. (Mostly, I just hate drama, and would rather talk about more interesting things.)"

Not mentioning Mike Mearls in the "goodwill disclaimer," speaks volumes.

Mike Mearls is saddened and surprised. He also announces May 24 as the start of the open playtest.

Joethelawyer has some interesting B&N pre-order links. 3.5 Core books, with errata.

WTF?

Now, 3.5 core books sells like hotcakes on ebay. I sold a spare set of the three core books last week for $75.

$65 to $100 is typical. Consistently typical. A PH alone has been averaging about $35. Discounting odd outlying results, $25 to $45 is usual. And has been for the past year that I've been keeping up with 3.5 auctions. And we're talking a lot of auctions, every week.

Hell, the HC splats go for around $20+ a piece. This isn't just "collector's" scarfing these things up. I wonder how many non-Pathfinder customers have been playing 3.5? And spreading the game?

I think WotC may be hedging their bets. I wouldn't be surprised to see an OD&D anniversary type set and maybe a real BECMI box.

It is not a good sign, when one of the main designers of your new edition, jumps ship right before the open playtest. Especially when that designer has the profile of Monte Cook.

Good luck, Monte.

Random Table - Urban Mendicants

Submitted for your approval, 12 holy (or unholy) beggars, raising a ruckus in the streets.

1. Bomos the Mad - Chaotic-Neutral. An archetypal, crazy-eyed, wild-haired, filthy Prophet O' Doom, wearing a sandwich board declaring "The End is Nigh!" In the midst of his typically mad proclamations, he'll utter something only the PC's should know, or another secret, of relevance to their current doings.

2. Rafnk the Legless - F2. Chaotic-Good. A humble servant of his god, he's taken a vow of poverty. Rolls around on a crude cart, propelled by his mighty arms. A former adventurer, he has dated knowledge of the first three levels of the dungeon. Has a Dagger +1, that bestows 10% Magic Resistance.

3. Muad the Greasy - Chaotic-Evil. Claims to serve some god, that's completely unknown to everyone else. Wears soiled finery. Slick, oily and smarmy. Host to an alien symbiote, which grants him psionics. He murders and eats 1 beggar, or other homeless person, per week.

4. Whomis the Holy - C2. Neutral-Good. A benevolent, poor servant of a beneficent higher power. Cares for the sick and needy of the streets. If a PC donates 10 GP or more, they will receive a one-time blessing and the next Critical Miss they suffer, will become a Critical Hit.

5. Mahra of the Shadows - Illusionist L7. Chaotic-Neutral. Serves a vengeful, scary deity. Only seen at night. Stalks and murders the more parasitic denizens of the slums.

6. Mother Velvet - F3 Transvestite Half-Orc. Neutral-Evil. Bears the symbol of an ancient, near-forgotten deity of strife. Commands 20 or so orphan children, who collect information, which Mother sells to various clients.

7. Old Gideon - Lawful-Good. A polymorphed Silver Dragon, he's an amnesiac and has lost all knowledge of his former self. Wanders the streets, begging and telling stories about famous Paladins and other heroes.

8. Thak the Barbarian - FL4. Chaotic-Neutral. A barbarian prince, blinded in war. Stalks the alleys naked, demanding tribute for his patron demon. Which he spends on prostitutes and cheap wine. Will usually be carrying a makeshift weapon of some sort or another. Occasionally, will get his hands on a sword, eventually losing it after passing out in a drunken stupor.

9. Susannah of the Scarlet Sash - C4. Chaotic-Good. A Sacred Prostitute, Susannah became disenchanted with her religious organization, which showed more devotion to pecuniary concerns, than their mission of spreading... the word. Susannah has taken the good news to the streets! She wears a Scarlett Sash that's been blessed by her deity, confers a bonus of +2 on all her rolls and grants immunity to all diseases.

10. Ol' Bear - F3. Chaotic-Good. Reincarnated as a Bear. Something of a mascot to the people of the city, they'll be very sore if anything happens to this gregarious street preacher.

11. Toisim - A demon in human guise. Chaotic-Evil. HD: 6. AC: 4. # Att - 2. Dmg: 1-3. Aside from the usual characteristics of abyssal denizens (per the MM) he may cast Suggestion 1/day, Improved Phantasmal Force 2/day. He can implant false memories in others, a task which requires 1 full Turn of uninterrupted concentration, during which he must maintain line of sight with his victim. Save negates. He is building a small army, composed of the poor and dispossessed, who thanks to a whole lot of memory alteration, think him a reincarnated demi-god, capable of miraculous feats.

12. Baylam the Black - C2. Neutral-Evil. Hunted by the authorities, for fostering the cause of a blatantly forbidden deity, Baylam has no followers, no friends and sucks at begging, so he usually resorts to theft. Still has dreams of becoming an evil overlord.

In Which I Embark Upon a New Career

While engaged in starting a new post-divorce life, something occurred to me. Out of the several different things I've done to make a living, lo these many years, I enjoyed myself the most when I worked in the insurance field.

Yeah, that might sound strange. But the whole, convoluted mess of finance and esoteric formula can be rather fun. But, if I was going down that road, I wanted to do it right. And have the opportunity to help people, while doing so.

This afternoon, I was offered a position as a Life & Health insurance agent. Which, I'm accepting! I know quite a bit about Life & Health, Annuities, etc., already and I'm very familiar with how the business itself works. My prior time in insurance was on the underwriting side of things, so now I get to see how the other half lives.

My new boss and I really hit it off and seem to be on the same page. I like his style and approach to the insurance business and I'm thrilled to have the opportunity to work with a gentleman, such as himself.

So. Phase II, complete. Wish me luck!

This Week's Conan Pic - Conan Crucified!

I was loath to change that awesome pic of Conan and Belit, but when I found this little gem by Sanjulian, I decided it would be ok! As always, This Week's Conan Pic will be showcased in a widget on the left. A link to the full text of the story, courtesy of Project Gutenberg, is provided.

A Witch Shall Be Born isn't my favorite Conan story, but it does feature one of the most memorable passages in the series. Conan Crucified! And his savage battle, with the Vultures!

In his dulled ears sounded the louder beat of wings. Lifting his head he watched with the burning glare of a wolf the shadows wheeling above him. He knew that his shouts would frighten them away no longer. One dipped--dipped--lower and lower. Conan drew his head back as far as he could, waiting with terrible patience. The vulture swept in with a swift roar of wings.

R. E. Howard - A Witch Shall Be Born